Well I finally did it. I wrote Faith's story. It's sad to say that 19 months after my baby went to Heaven, its hard to recall some of the details. I really wish that I had written this earlier, but I know that this was all part of the healing process. Any earlier and it wouldn't have turned out the way that I wanted it to.
The first year of grief was a state of shock and survival. After Abby's birth, grief became a whole new ball of wax. I am so much more emotional. Anytime that I tell Faith's story, write about her story, or look at what Abby is doing now. It's a double edged sword to want your first born daughter here with you, but knowing that would mean Abby would not be here. I have to rest in knowing that Faith's purpose on earth was filled and now it is my job to use this "storm" in my life to live, learn, and teach others to lean on God. You can not go through these things alone and we have leaned on family, friends, Stephen Ministers from church, the CDH community and our Life Group.
We joined our Life Group early this past summer before Abby's birth. Though we waited a long time to find a life group that "fit". God's timing couldn't have been more perfect. Let me back up a little and talk about some of the ways that God prepared us for this journey.
July 2007 we found out we were pregnant, bought a house, I got a teaching job and after trying a few churches we found Cornerstone. It was a friendly church home and the messages and music spoke to us. I had never taken communion before until Cornerstone "invited" me to take part in their communion. You didn't have to take a class or be a member. I remember singing the song "Mighty to Save" and realizing how BIG our God is. He is mighty to save and He can save my little girl. We were quiet in our "storm" and never really asked for prayer requests or told people about what was happening in our lives. We were still wrapping our heads around everything. We continued to pray. Praying that things would look better on the ultrasound. When those weren't answered we prayed that things would stay the same. When we felt those weren't answered, we prayed for strength and the ability to enjoy the pregnancy. For awhile it felt like everytime we went for an appointment there was more bad news, but through all that we had the support of friends and the CDH community. God answered our prayer and our pregnancy was easy and enjoyable. Steve and I read to Faith while she was in utero because we knew we would cherish those moments later. I can still remember him reading her Star Wars stories:)
Though God did not answer my prayers the way I wanted them answered He did answer them. He surrounded me with people who had hope, who would fight the good fight with us. Without that support team the roller coaster of CDH would have been unbearable. I would have no doubt turned away from God.
The year following Faith's death we became very invovled in the CDH community, attended Infant Loss walks, hosted blood drives in memory of Faith, collected books for her first birthday, knitted hats for Gabriel's gifts, Steve ran a 25K, and made dinner at the RMH in Ann Arbor.
Back to our Life Group (sorry if this post is all over the place, its how the emotions flow sometimes). The people in our life group are AMAZING! When we got the call that we had been placed in this life group Steve and I were so excited. We would see people around church and say "those are the kinds of people we want to be surrounded by". We shared Faith's story with our life group and the birth of Abby with them as well. They supported us and prayed for us when Abby was 30 days old (the same age that we lost Faith). We grew closer together quickly and began doing outreach with our group. In September we went to Manistee to see Clint run his first marathon. A few days later he bounced an idea off of us and thus Journey to Faith was born:
Journey to Faith is a 125 mile run from the Ronald McDonald House of Ann Arbor to Faith Grace Miles' final resting place. Our goal is to share our stories of faith, spread awareness for CDH, and raise money for the RMH of Ann Arbor.
How have the "storms" in your life shaped your Faith? What people has God placed in your life to help you through it?
Think about it. Post in the comment section or post it at www.thejourneytofaith.blogspot.com where you can follow Clint as he trains for this 125 mile run. I will post more details as they become available.
If you would like to read Faith Grace Miles' journey check out http://faithgracecdh.blogspot.com/2009/11/story-of-faith-grace-miles.html
Thank you for your time.
The Miles Family
