Don't feel sorry for me this is just part of the grieving process...
My Beth Moore study posed this question/statement: Oh, Beloved, surely you've found yourself still standing after a time when the enemy came seeking your slaughter! Testify here of his foiled plans.
Satan thought Faith's diagnosis would tempt and turn me away from God. Then he thought that the need for ECMO would, nope...so he tried surgery with a silo bag, nope...a blood clot, nope and then cardiac arrest. What Satan didn't know and I didn't truly know is that God was standing with me the whole time. I found out the night that Faith coded that He was with me the whole time. He wrapped his arms around me and told me it's going to be ok. Your heart will ache but your precious baby will be with me healthy and whole in Heaven. I held my baby as she slipped away. The saddest moment but the most comforting moment. I never spoke out loud but I talked to her in my head. Her spirit now in Heaven free of saddness and pain. That moment has changed me as a mother, wife, and person. Sure I still get scared. But I know now more than ever before that my God is a BIG God and He does good work. I hope to someday be able to put into words what I have learned from all of this without using cliches. To speak from the heart, but the words are hard to find. That last night with her replays in my head often. Brings me to tears to think about it. But I can't help but think that there is a reason or purpose that it replays. Something that I am not yet aware of that I am supposed to see in that moment. An intensely personal moment in my life, but I am not afraid to share it.
I hope my words can comfort someone, bring them peace, help others in someway. I just felt the need to share this.
Love,
Amy
